Overdue Book

For once I don't have an overdue library book in my house! Of course that's because I returned it this morning. And it was one that Andrew checked out on my card...but I'm stalling...

I am happy to announce I have published my novel Such is Life as an E-Book on Smashwords. I call it an overdue book because it has taken me over ten years to write (and at least that many "final" versions) before I had the guts to finally call it complete. And then I let it sit out there on the Internet, no fanfare, no bottle of champagne, no marketing plan or book tour. Just sit there in the ether waiting for my millions of fans to just happen along and find it sitting there, crying to be read.

The truth is, it scares the hell out of me to announce it!

Lots of reasons: may be construed as blasphemy - I do have Jesus Christ as a main character doing a few un-Jesus like things (not like that, just goofy things like enjoying rock and roll, fast ride in a car, hanging out with sinners - oh wait...). And it could be considered a little too autobiographical (please note: the wife in the book, Sherry is NOT Minda - don't let her tell you she is!). And it could be a really bad example of really bad writing by someone who is too dense to understand he really can't write.

But the truth is - and I say this humbly - I re-read it this week and I really like it! And I haven't touched, edited, modified or tweaked it since March (in order to read it with a clean palate). I was surprised, I was moved, and I think it might actually be pretty good.

And despite the playing around with the time/space continuum and putting Jesus in a Cardinal's baseball cap, I believe I have absolutely glorified God with this story. And that was my intention.

So, if you are so inclined, please check it out on your Nook, Kindle, Kobo, iPad, iBook, etc. Here's the synopsis:

One man's need for forgiveness is another man's cross to bear. Just ask Steven Todd. Twenty-five years ago Steven was a teen-aged druggie surviving from needle to vial in Austin, Texas. Now he’s a respectable family man, a quiet but confident  Jesus-freak and a small-business owner on the verge of major success—he’s meeting the U.S. president next week. Most importantly for Steven, his wild past is buried. 

At least until his old friend and shooting partner, Randy Oliver, hitchhikes to town. Stunned to see his old friend wandering St. Louis--alive, no less--Steven welcomes Randy into his home, his family and his church. 

When Randy reveals he has less than six months to live, Steven hopes to introduce him to Jesus before it’s too late. But when Randy reminds Steven of their dark secrets, secrets that could disintegrate Steven's veil of success, he makes a decision that could damn his life—now and eternally.

(This book contains a few instances of rough language reflective of the harsh lives and times of the characters.)

And here's the link to Such is Life.

And here's the coupon code to get Such is Life for half-price: AJ24A

God is a Screenwriter

So I have this new friend, Lisa. I don't know her very well - yet. But I am already captivated by her. She has this...presence about her that is part confidence/part vulnerability - perhaps it is part defensive bravado/part childlike-ness (not sure if that is really a word, but I'm the blogger here, so I declare it so!).

Lisa has a simply pretty face that is often serious, and yet, when she smiles, she glows! Whatever it is about her, I strongly believe she is the recipient of God's overflowing lovingkindness (now THAT's a word that has to have God in the definition!) I also believe (instinctively for I have no knowledge or evidence to back this statement up) that she does not realize or recognize that God is raining His lovingkindness down on her.

It's not that she wouldn't love to to accept this gift, I'm sure. I think she has so little experience in receiving such a gift from the people in her world that she has moments of little reason to believe it could come direct from God to her. (I also may be over-analyzing this person I barely know!)

My other new friend, Jennifer, must recognize something in Lisa also. Last night at our weekly get together, she was praying for Lisa and she said two things that perked up my ears. She mentioned God's EXTRAVAGANT love for us, particularly Lisa. And she pointed out that God "dreamed you up, Lisa, to be exactly who you are and that's how he sees you". (That last was paraphrased as I have hit-and-miss memory as we shall see...but it's close!)

Extravagant is another word that I believe requires God's name in the definition. I love that word!

But it was the second statement Jenn made that triggered a memory for me, of an event that happened the previous Sunday night after our meeting. Minda and I were home watching a DVD and one of the characters in the story told the other character, "I wish you could see you as I see you." And at that precise moment - not after, but during the time the actor was saying this line - I heard God whisper, "You need to tell Lisa this." I sat up and hit the pause button on the remote and told Minda, "Wow! I think God just told me I need to tell Lisa those exact words."

It kind of freaked me out...so much so that I immediately started doing what Satan wanted me to do, which was to question, analyze, doubt and ultimately dismiss it as my imagination. Crafty little devil, he is. (At the time, Minda thought I meant our other friend Lisa, who is not experiencing as much drama in her life as this Lisa, so even Minda looked at me a little tilt-headed!)

And so I promptly forgot about it.

Until last night when Jenn's prayer reminded me - and made me realize that perhaps this was the moment when God wanted me to tell her - she was in tears, questioning, doubting, hurting.

So I told her and she smiled, tears running down her cheeks. I think she even glowed a little with the knowledge of God's lovingkindness.

I can't wait to get to know my new friend better.

...With a Cherry on Top

So, it turns out God answers prayers...and then adds a little finishing touch. I can even sense a "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" in His message. Here's what happened...

I've been dissatisfied at, stressed from, and frankly concerned for the future of, my current employer. For reasons that don't need further extrapolation, I have been seeking a new job for over a year. Researching and applying for jobs similar to and a step forward from my current one - what I feel I am supposed to do now that I'm a "grown-up" - was leaving me cold. It felt like I was trading one bad situation for another one. But what's a grown-up to do?

I networked of course, and spread the word to friends and family that I was looking for a "customer service" job. One good friend, Mark, sent me a posting for the company he works for - as a fill-in type position as I looked for my grown-up job. The position seemed, on the surface, interesting but did not pay appropriately. I blew it off almost instantly.

And then I went on an LSD trip with said friend - that is, in our training for an upcoming half-marathon, we ran a Long Slow Distance run - I believe it was eight miles that day. (Truth is, with Mark, it isn't really ever slow!) At some point in our huffing and puffing conversation, he mentioned the position at this small company (DING! - I like working for small companies - always have, in fact that's one of the appeals of my second shift job - small group of co-workers. It's like a small company within a big one.) and how flexible the hours were (DING! - I need a job with flexibility so I can pick Andrew up from school) and that the hand-assembly (DING! - I so miss creating/building/fabricating with my hands) was something I could easily do with my background (model-building) and that the company was full of Believers (DING! - perfect!). Also, the office was located in our community - just 4.5 miles from our house - easily bike-able, even occasionally run-able (DING! DING!)

I sent my resume/cover letter that very night.

And, conversely, interviewed for a position at my current employer a few days later. It seemed like a good move - a day position with a step above what I've been doing on the night shift. It was daytime hours (possibly flexible) and meant working in the large population of "daywalkers". I would still be driving a computer (with my hands) sitting at a desk, but it would be more hours and, I assumed it would come with a significant pay increase. Interviews, three of them, went well enough (backed up with a lot of prayer). It was a grown-up thing to do.

Four days later I was sitting in the office of the president of the small company where Mark works, animatedly and enthusiastically discussing everything from my squirrel feeder patent and how that whole business was started in our dining room in St. Paul, to the good ol' days of architectural model building. We talked about their handful of employees (DING!) and how their products (related to air pollution and auto emissions - I think they have a long and huge future in the upcoming green-conscious next century or two!) are hand-assembled (DING!), that they have flexible hours (DING!). Oh, and did I mention that upon the founder's bookshelf, within easy reach, sat a Holy Bible? (DING!)

I spent a lot of time over the next 24 hours praying, telling God that I really, really, REALLY wanted this job, but that it needed to work money-wise (that whole grown-up thing reared it's pragmatic face). I even posted my little prayer on the KTIS radio website among all the "serious" prayers.

Two days later I received word from my current employer that, though they were offering the position for which I had interviewed to another candidate, they were offering me a different one, a little more in line with my current skill set and certainly helpful in preparing me for stepping into the larger role in the future. But no, the hours were not flexible, and since I am already at the high end of the pay scale for that position, there would be no rate increase at this time. I was a bit relieved (the bigger position had some intimidation factor going for it) and flattered (she sounded sincere in her predictions of future movement) and I told her I would get back to her in the next day or two once Minda and I figured out how to make it work.

And four hours later I received an email offering me the job at the small company. With pretty much everything I had hoped for.

John 11:40

I wanted to expand on my previous post, mainly to see if I could disect the scripture further and clarify it in my mind.

THe scripture is John 11:40


Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

(Context: Jesus is about to resurrect Lazarus from death and Mary questions the intelligence of this plan due to the possible stench of decomposition.)

My take (with help from “Gill’s Exposition”, et al): Jesus expresses a touch of frustration at Mary’s unbelief since he has already told her to believe in him. And he intimates that by exercising her faith (by believing her brother will be raised), she will have a renewed ability to truly believe Jesus is the son of God. Also, those who exercise their faith often will see the glory of God often – in provision and promises.

My situation: I was struggling with the pain in my heels, inconsistent and hard to nail down the cause of (I pretty much avoid doctors, so it was between me and my Physician) and was about ready to give up my running. But when I sent in the registration for the half-marathon – in effect exercising my faith – I felt in my spirit Jesus telling me, “I’ve been telling you all along that it would be okay. You just had to believe!”

My application: I am believing!! And the pain is diminishing daily. I continue to train for th ehalf-marathon and am believing that there is no stopping me now. I am standing in faith that I will see the glory of God in the continued resurrection of my body from the several decades of obesity death in which I had buried it.

Other notes:

*to "see the glory of God", is to see Christ

*Mark 9:23 …"Everything is possible for him who believes."

Done.

Running on Faith

Yesterday I mailed in a form to pre-register for an October 27 half-marathon run. I say run because it’s not a race for me – I have no delusions that I might win! I do hope to beat my time from last year, but more than that, I hope to finish it with my heels intact.

I have been having issues with my heels – maybe Achilles tendon, maybe just bruised heel bone, maybe….who cares. It hurts sometimes, and sometimes it doesn’t, with no rationality to it. And that, according to my wise wife is the key. She believes there is something – a thought, a fear, something holding me back that manifests itself as pain in my heels. And makes me question the sanity of continuing to run.

I actually printed out the registration form Monday a week ago...and it sat on my dresser till Thursday. Still undecided...Maybe I should just stop this nonsense...Stop running for the rest of 2012…Continue biking and rest my heels…Start over in 2013 and plan for the Get Lucky 7K race. No! I’ll just run slow and short miles – two here, three there, and always a rest day between.

So I filled out the form last Friday and then...it sat on my dresser. What's it gonna be (formerly) Fat Boy? You gonna let all the hard work fall to wayside because of a little pain that crops up every now and then? Some occasional pain that makes no rhyme or reason? Sometimes running makes it hurt, but not running for a week made it absolutely worse. And biking? What’s up with that? Biking makes the post-run pain dissipate completely?? How does that work? Maybe it's all in my head?

I mailed the form yesterday and...I feel like an Athlete again! Yes, capital "A" athlete, as in I'm calling myself that again. More importantly I'm feeling like an Athlete again. I'm thinking like an athlete, planning like an athlete, training like an athlete. And it feels good! Feels great!

It's amazing and crazy what a little step of faith will do. Of course when is faith not irrational? And not amazing?!

It feels like that little step – sticking on a stamp and dropping the envelope in the box resonated in my spirit and filled me up with the conviction that yes, that was the right thing to do. No matter what happens, that was the right thing to do.

I got a wink and a nod from The Coach upstairs!! And my heels feel normal. Most of the time.

In John 11:40, Jesus says, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

I’m going to believe…and look for the glory of God to continue to reveal itself as He resurrects this body that I nearly destroyed.

High Voltage Surprise

I called it the Beast Brick - a brick being a combo of running and biking. The Beast part referencing this being my first attempt at pushing my body this hard. In an effort to ramp up my fitness regimen - and speed up attaining my goal weight of 200 pounds (7 more to go!) - I rode 6 miles, ran 2 miles and then rode another 6 miles. I did all this in 87 minutes.

Tuesday's surprise from God - my Counselor, Trainer and Healer - is that not only did the Brick not kill me, it super-charged me for the rest of the day! I'm talking non-stop energy coupled with zero aches and pains. I was watching for the crash - it never happened. And I was looking for things to do to burn off the energy. I did the planned grocery shopping, added in some yard-work, played Legos with Andrew, prepped a serious Indian meal, cooked said meal for the family and a couple of guests, and even adjusted the handlebar height on Minda's bike. I finally called it a night at 1130 that night. Whew!

And the best part of all, the long-standing Achilles tendon pain I have been battling for several months - which I was afraid would flare-up exponentially after this exertion - seems to have disappeared. Not completely, but nearly so.

Thank you God for giving me the motivation, inspiration and fuel to push myself this far. Thank you for rewarding my hard work with freedom from pain and exhaustion. Thank you for healing my heel pain. Thank you for the high-voltage energy.

Surprise!

This past Sunday our friend Mark mentioned his friend Terry Esau had written several books, one of which is the invitation, "Surprise Me, God".  In Terry's words: "What if you started the next thirty days with those three words?" I'm in!

I'm cognizant of the fact that every day is filled with miracles/surprises from God; I also know I'm often oblivious to said miracles, and miss the chance to thank Him. I jumped into this idea with the sole intent of discerning those gifts and acknowledging His work in my day.

Monday July 9 was day one for me, and as I talked with God in the early morning hours, I asked him to surprise me. And I asked Him to help me notice, to sharpen my discernment.

Anticipation can be sweet torture, but waiting on the Lord has become an easier discipline for me in the last few years. I often say, “Life’s an adventure; what’s God got planned for me next?” But lately I have noticed I’m also intrigued by the timing God chooses. I want to ask Him, “Why did such and such happen that particular day or moment or year?” It’s not petulant childish impatience, it’s pure, delightful curiosity and marveling at His perfect design.

So Monday morning, the temperature was thankfully down from the last few weeks and Andrew and I are outside working on the front lawn (and his “work ethic”, the lesson we hope to impart this summer, God willing!).

The mail carrier arrived as we were edging the lawn. It was our usual carrier, a woman I consider an “old hippy”, about my age. She usually parks across the street from our house, loads up her bag and heads down the street, delivering her parcels along the way, crosses over and ends back at our address for the last deposit before heading out. Today, however, she pulled in right at the end of our driveway – on the wrong side of the road – and hopped out. She said a cheery good morning, delivered our mail (and our duplex-mates as well) and then pulled across the street to her usual spot and went about her usual business of delivering the neighborhood’s mail.

It was kind of odd, but I dismissed it and finished up the task at hand. Heading into the house for a drink of water, I grabbed the mail – a bill, a flyer, a coupon book. And there was an envelope from GC Incorporated.

GC pays us a quarterly amount to private label and market our patented squirrel feeder. Per our agreement, GC has 30 days after the end of the quarter to pay us. With the economy the way it has been, the last couple of years GC has been taking advantage of the full 30-days before paying us, I’m guessing to collect as much interest as they can before disbursing the funds. Good for them, not so good for us. They used to pay within the first ten days. And July always seems to be the worst time of year for us financially.

Petulant childish impatience abounds in late June/early July when the bills come due.

Yet there was the check, on July 9^th, answering my prayer from July 5^th when I realized we were going to be hard-pressed to make it to next payday with gas in both cars!

Thank you God! But what’s with the urgent delivery? In my mental replay, the hippy mail carrier skids to a stop, screeching tires and all, jumps out, waving the envelope for me to see and then drops it in the box before dancing away. Didn’t happen exactly that way, but I get the feeling God was having a grand chuckle as I processed the ensuing events.

All I have left to say is, “Good one, God! And thank you - again! And, what’s next? Surprise me, God!”