Thursday, April 15, 2010

Chasing the Wind (Part 1)

I talked to my friend Mike about "the List" and he suggested I read Ecclesiastes. I'm happy to say it will be a re-reading as it is one of the few books of the bible that I have read all the way through previously. But it is also a re-reading with new eyes. And I have gathered several great "words" from God's lips.

2:24 So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God.

In other words, God wants me to enjoy my life. And I can do that knowing that all of it is from the hand of God. Even the "trials" that may affect my enjoyment come from God, so I can rejoice in knowing He still wants me to enjoy life.

3:17 I said to myself, “In due season God will judge everyone, both good and bad, for all their deeds.”

No one can escape the judgement of God. So I will enjoy my life and live as if that day of judgement is today.

4:12 And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.

Despite my perceived lack of "best friends", and the truth that I have strong relationships with many, all of my relationships are strong when they are based on my relationship with Jesus Christ. The cord of three was perfectly illustrated by my talk with Mike: there was three of us gathered together: Mike, myself and the Holy Spirit. 

5:4 When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow.

I don't need to say much on this other than I have failed at it many times. I am working on it, Father God!

6:9 Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don't...Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless, like chasing the wind.

I have been a dreamer my whole life, thus my entrepreneurial spirit. And I could say that I have benefited from my dream of being my own boss: Squngee supported our family for five years. But the truth is God supported our family with Squngee.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The List

I’ve been sensing that God is preparing me for a change. Not sure if it’s geographical, mental, maybe even career-related. But I’m waiting to find out. As yet He hasn’t revealed to me what or where or if it is.

The other morning, during my dawn prayer-time, He asked me to write a list. It was a list of “things” that I have, over the last 2 or 3 years, lost my passion for. The list was something like this:

*My job is just a job; there is no passion or drive to create a career. I do it well, I attempt to enjoy it while I’m at work, but I walk out the door at the end of my shift and it’s out of mind.

*The only people I would consider my “best friends” live in Uganda and I get to see them for 24-36 hours every 2 years. That was last weekend and I enjoyed their visist and now I am “best friendless”.

*I feel like we are on the precipice of financial ruin on a constant basis. It doesn’t keep me up at night, but when I look at Andrew’s teeth, or feel the shimmy in the front end of my truck, I have to admit, it catches my breath. Sometimes.

*I have no relationship with my sisters.

*My two- (three-?) year obsession with writing has dissipated to almost nil. Perhaps the drive to get published has dissipated for I still feel a desire to write. But it can be ignored, unlike last month when I wanted to scream because I could only get 900 words down before life intruded.

*My health is dismal and I don’t do anything about it. And I want to; I feel so much better even 20 pounds lighter. But…

So I looked at the list and thought, “How sad is this list.”

And then I felt washed in freedom! I was free from condemnation, urgency, guilt, dissatisfaction, anxiety. Because God is all I need. He wants me to enjoy life, but He wants me to know in the end, it's all dust in the wind. What matters is Him.

Of that list, the only one I think I might need help with getting free is the financial worries. I’m not asking God to make me rich. I just get tired of worrying every week about the vehicles, every month about the rent, and the occasional "what ifs".

So Father God, please make me rich with the confidence that you are sufficient for all my needs. Your promises are infinitely more powerful than my bills. Amen!